Law & Order: Pregnancy Brain Unit

Well then. Now that a certain almost-one-year-old is walking, I thought I’d share another story from my pregnancy.

Whether or not pregnancy brain does exist is an argument people have been having for years. But the week I lost both my wallet (on the T, no less) and my keys, I started to become a believer. First, I should say that my wallet was brought to a manager at the T and I was able to pick it up at the end of the line. And not a dime was missing; I didn’t have to replace my monthly T pass or any of my debit cards. It’s nice to know you can still count on the kindness of strangers.

And the keys? Well, the keys were a different story. I was picking up some groceries at the local market one Sunday afternoon last fall. I usually use the self-checkout, but that day I went to a cashier aisle. I unloaded my cart, handed her my key ring with the savings card looped through it, and turned to let the bag boy know that I’d brought my own bags. I turned back around, paid my bill and walked to the car.

When I got to the car I realized the cashier hadn’t given me back my keys. I went back in and walked right up to the register. “No,” she said, “I gave you back your keys.” I honestly couldn’t remember if she had, and since I’d lost my wallet less than a week earlier, I took her at her word. But the thing is, I really didn’t remember her handing them back to me. The cashier then very dramatically passed keys back to her current customer. I knew we did not have that interaction.

slurp slurp

I went back to the car. I dug through my bag. Nothing. I went back inside. “Could you please just check around your register? I know I might have pregnancy brain, but I swear you didn’t give me back my keys.” And round and round I went.  For over fifteen minutes it was in and out, in and out, searching my bag, and hounding the cashier.

Outside the supermarket was a table of Boy Scouts selling bags of popcorn as a fundraiser for their troop. And so, every time I went in and out, these two Boy Scouts, Tommy and Nicky, would introduce themselves. They were either working on their perseverance merit badge or had some sort of short-term memory problem, because Tommy and Nicky must have reintroduced themselves to me at least five times! There was a point when the mom standing with them asked them to stop pestering me.

Finally, after several rounds with the cashier, my Law & Order training kicked in. I looked down at my receipt and went to the manager who had been watching my back and forth. “My receipt is time-stamped. I know you have cameras in here. Could you please go to the video in the back room and rewind the film to this time on the receipt and see what actually happened at this register?” DUN DUN.

He took pity on me, this sweaty, out-of-breath pregnant lady, and went to the back room doors. A few minutes later he emerged. “OK,” he said to the crowd that had formed, “here’s what happened: You gave her your keys, and then you turned to talk to the bagboy. While you were turned, she put your keys down on the counter, and the person in back of you put his wallet on top of your keys. He unloaded his cart, and picked up his wallet, and unwittingly, your keys, at the same time, and pocketed them.” DUN DUN.

Thank goodness the unintentional key snatcher came back to the store within a half hour and returned my keys to the Courtesy Desk. I finally had my keys back. And, on the way out of the store for the final, final time that day, I stopped and bought a grossly marked-up, five-pound bag of popcorn kernels from Tommy and Nicky. Their mother assured me that 70% of the sale went directly to their troop, but I still felt pretty gouged by the price, which I’m not going to bother mentioning here.

buttered popcorn cookies

So long story short, I had my keys back, but I also had a very expensive, five-pound bag of popcorn. And so what does a frazzled pregnant woman do with all that popcorn? She goes to the smitten kitchen cookbook, which had just come out at the time, and I made these Buttered Popcorn Cookies. DUN DUN.

Buttered Popcorn Cookies from the smitten kitchen cookbook

Ingredients

2 Tablespoons (30 ml) vegetable oil

¼ cup (45 grams) popcorn kernels

¼ teaspoon table salt

1 Tablespoon butter, melted

½ cup (115 grams or 1 stick) butter, softened

½ cup (95 grams) packed light brown sugar

1/3 cup (65 grams) granulated sugar

1 large egg

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 ¼ cups (155 grams) all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon baking soda

1. Make Popcorn: Pour the oil over the bottom of a large saucepan that has a lid and add the popcorn kernels, shimmying the pan around so the kernels land in one layer. Cover the pot, heat it over medium-high heat, once the kernels begin to pop, keep the saucepan moving until all of the kernels have popped, about 5 to 7 minutes total. Toss the table salt and then the melted butter over the popcorn, then transfer it to a bowl so that you can fish out any unpopped kernels. You should have about 4 to 4½ cups of popcorn. Let cool.

2. Mix Dough: Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, cream together the softened butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, egg and vanilla until smooth. In a separate bowl, whisk the flour and baking soda together. Stir the combined dry ingredients into the butter-sugar mixture. Fold in the cooled popcorn so that it is evenly distributed through the batter, which will seem like a ridiculous instruction because there is so much popcorn and so little cookie batter, but it works. Don’t worry if the popcorn breaks up a bit. The mixed-size pieces are part of the cookie’s charm.

3. Bake cookies: Scoop heaping-teaspoon-sized mounds 2 inches apart onto a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake the cookies for 10 to 12 minutes, until the edges are light brown. Let them sit on the hot baking sheet for a few minutes to firm up before transferring them to a rack to cool.

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